How do I put this miracle down? No, seriously, I'd like some sleep please

I’m currently on day 6, maybe 7, of my daughter having joined the world - no I’m not 100% sure of the day, not because I’m a bad dad, but the days simply merge, and trying to subtract todays date from her birth date is simply a level of mathematics I can’t achieve with this level of tiredness. 

I’m writing this at 3:25 in the morning, in my head because my daughter is asleep on my chest and I’m worried if I move a muscle I’ll disturb her! 

It’s not got anything to do with her crying, bizarrely that noise in no way bothers me, her little lungs make it sound almost cute, I was not expecting that, I was told that the noise would cut right through me, and it’s designed to hurt us parents so we don’t ignore it. And obviously I couldn’t ignore her cry, but mostly it’s just a puzzle, trying to see if I can hear the difference between the “neh” and the “eh” - my current working theory is neh is “hey I’m hungry” and eh is “daddy I soiled myself”

Now it’s possible I could simply have a good baby that doesn’t have an annoying cry. Just before my wife and I went into the operating theatre to have our baby, we heard a brand new born on the other side of the curtain in the recovery room and I shit you not that baby’s cry sounded like a billy goat - it was all my wife and I could do to not burst out laughing!  So yes so far 6 or so days in and luckily our daughter doesn’t sound like a farm yard animal, I don’t want to ignore her cry nor have I had the impulse to reach for the noise cancelling headphones! (I hear this doesn’t last forever, and I have a treat in-store for me in 2 months.)

Tonight was the first night I took on full solo feeding shift, attempting to make formula seem as tasty as a boob - who am I kidding? She wasn’t having any of it, but slowly she realised it really was her only available meal and we came to an agreement, she’d eat it, but only if she could sleep on me afterwards - to be fair I’m winning on both fronts there. The whole process (including a mid feed shart) took about 45 minutes and another 10 or so to get her back to sleep - yes asleep on my chest, I’m still very much choosing which battles to fight with this little angel right now.

The many nights my daughter has slept on my chest has made me ponder a great many things, the dad bod being one of them. My friend Adam, who’s daughter was born 2 months before mine, is by any measure of male human attractiveness a 10, the dude may as well have a body sculpted by the gods who said “this is the model we want to go by” and while I don’t consider myself unattractive at all, by comparison my body was clearly was the gods felt they could scrape together from leftover Chinese food and a set of asthmatic lungs - now clearly the gods have nothing to do with this and Ads simply has the one thing I don’t - willpower to exercise - but the important thing here is all my life I’ve thought this has been a disadvantage, I realise now, with my daughter asleep on my chest, that I have simply been cultivating a memory foam style mattress for my daughter to sleep on, while poor Ivy (Ad’s daughter) must be waking up with a cricked neck!e

My serious question for the community of dads out there then is - is anyone else struggling to put their tiny human down to sleep in a cot?

We’ve got 3 options for my baby girl to sleep in, her cot in her room, another by our bed and her bassinet - and we are so worried about her breathing or throwing up or anything that we simply can’t do it. Or if we did put her in it, neither of us would sleep. Am I teaching my daughter bad habits by letting her sleep on us? Or is this first week really just about our survival and I shouldn’t worry about it?